Burning Ones

So normally I wouldn’t be up this late but as it were I have what feels like a bladder infection (sorry for the details) so in an attempt to get my mind off of it I’m going to blog :-D

I was very happy to find that our favorite late rat, Nibs, now has pictures of himself on our website. I cleaned out his cage today. I cried a lot when the first stroke happened but I think I handled his death alright. I got a little depressed when I noticed there was no cage… aka no more Nibs.

Tomorrow is Alex’s bachelor party. They’re going golfing, Japanese Steakhousing, Philly Gaming, and then going and getting wings and Nachos (that’s the part that I am especially jealous about- but no worries, Timmy said he’d bring me back some wings).

So right now I’m asking myself ‘why aren’t I healed?’ but I figured that maybe God has a purpose for all of this. However, I’m still trying to declare the whole ‘I’m healed’ thing ’cause I know it works (even though I haven’t mastered the logics of it yet). But no worries, if my suffering serves some greater purpose, then God will heal me when I need to be healed, yay!

Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about the whole concept of ‘dying to yourself’ and trying to do it. I understand now that brokeness comes when you’re dying to your flesh so much that it hurts and you start crying because of how miserable you are. I’ve also begun to realize how big my pride and how much inadequacy I have to fix it. I suppose this is good but it doesn’t change the fact that I stink with it and even now as I’m typing I’m thinking inwardly, ‘don’t I sound super-Christian? Someone should admire me.’ I’m not kidding. If you were to sit in my head right now for a second you’d come out with your fingers all pruny with my pride (and right there is false humility :-) see? I just can’t get away from it, hehe. But I know God’s perfecting me and it’s all that matters. A highly recommendable book for discovering your hidden monster is ‘Humility’ by Andrew Murray. I mean, I knew I struggled with it but I never realized I mostly consisted of it.

A second thing that God’s really been dealing with me is dreams. I’ve always been one of those people who dreams all night, every night. Well God recently revealed to me that what I thought were just odd synapses in my brain was really Him talking to me in 90% of my dreams. Which is down right amazing and I have no idea why God would be so gracious and do that for me! I totally don’t deserve it (I really don’t, I’m not just trying to sound humble) and I take it for granted! He’s been teaching me that dreams, much like in the Old Testament, are really just all about symbols and once you understand the symbols that God uses to communicate with you, it’s totally doable (with the help of the Holy Spirit). I’m not a dream interpreter or anything, but if any of you have questions on how to interpret your own dreams (I really believe every Christian should know how to) then don’t hesitate to e-mail me.

Ok! I think God’s healed me :-D!!!!!! so I’m going to go to bed because I am REALLY tired. Night!