Burning Ones

So it’s Sunday (my “official” blogging day) and we’re on our way to our youth group’s band practice. It’s absolutely gorgeous outside :-) We had Jaclyn’s bachorlette party Friday and Saturday- we went to Six Flags. It was my first time and I thought it was a pretty impressive theme park. It’s huge! And we got some cool pictures with Bugs, Taz, and Porky the Pig :). God was really with us the whole day in little ways. The tickets, which were originally $65, we got for $30 because a rather suspicious lady approached us upon entering the park and offered to sell us her tickets. I was a little nervous at first, (especially when she pulled out 2000 tickets out from her stroller) but she offered to walk up to to the ticket place with us so I said sure and it turns out the tickets worked! Amy got her $15 lunch for free (the food distributor gave it to her and told her “you just keep that beautiful smile on, girl”) and when we were looking for a table that wasn’t covered with rain a random man approaches us and shows us where a dry table was… and it really wasn’t like he was hitting on any of us- like he really just wanted to show us where a dry table was. Things like that happened all day, which was awesome! So even though we were entertaining ourselves all day in a park where it was far from God-focused, it was cool to see God blessing us.

I had an awful morning because I’m tired of pressing on and persevering. And I was writing my dreams down and I just have no idea how to interpret them, and it’s been like that for a couple of days now, and I just didn’t want to give my morning to God so I threw my book across the room and made sure I took a shower to spite God. I feel like I have three things I could do… I could go back to what I used to do and waste my day watching TV, working on scrapbooks, cleaning… just doing things that might be ok but don’t really profit me anything, or, option number two, I could sit around all day and worry about my relationship with God but not do anything about it (which is what I feel like I’m doing right now) or, my third option, I could press on and keep running. I think I’ll do that because it’s really the only one that leads to life, even though all three options are just as frustrating and I hate it. I’m wondering when the good will come. I feel like I must “put up with God” and He’ll give me something. “Look, God! I spent TWO hours muddling and thinking about these Scriptures… I think I’ve earned my cool, prophetic word now” isn’t that awful? I’m trying to break free of that mindset. I have to remind myself that God can’t love me anymore than He does and He’ll usually give me more when I don’t deserve it in spite of myself. Grrr.

I want so badly to be the John the Baptist and I want it to happen yesterday (I think I could settle for today though, hehe). I want to burn with God Himself inside of me. I want the fullness of God and I feel like I have this huge boulder of pride in front of me. I’ve been told to speak to it so that’s what I’m trying to do but it just seems like its taking forever. But I’ll keep pressing on because I really don’t have a choice if I want to live, and I’m fine with that :-). I know that God isn’t some scary bear but a loving Father who loves me with an everlasting love. And I’m not doing Him any “favors” by putting “up” with Him, I just need Him and He upholds me by the power of His Word.

…6-7 hours have passed…

I don’t need to feel condemned! Jesus was condemned for me! YAY! God is good! I just listened to a message by John Piper that God DEFINITELY led me to listen in an answer to my prayer and tears :-) Now I’ll put this up on the site.