Burning Ones

Hello everyone,

I figured I’d post a quick little entry in regards to what I’m thinking about at the moment. I’ve been struggling with the concept of rejoicing in my sufferings. Please understand that I know that what I go through is not even worth comparing with the suffering that the persecuted Church goes through on a daily basis around the world. I understand and attempt to appreciate the tremendous blessing of living in a country where I am free to express my faith without fear of much more than people laughing at me. But, in fact, that is kind of what my current thoughts have been about…

I know that I am to rejoice in my sufferings knowing that they will in the end produce endurance, character, and non-shame producing hope. However, currently, I find that I am suffering more because of my own shortcomings than because I am being persecuted by some outside force. I quite simply have a quiet and ever-present understanding that I am not living up to the standard that my savior set when he came to this earth. This causes me great consternation and pain.

Don’t misunderstand me. I do not believe that salvation comes by works or any such hogwash as that. I understand that salvation comes by faith in Jesus alone, and that I am saved by grace through said faith resting solely on the unbelievable and unrelenting mercies of Father God. This is not an issue of salvation (or that moment when I was made to realize that God had chosen me to be a part of his family, or my eternal security, etc. etc.), this is an issue of what I do now that I understand that God has blessed in that incomprehensible way and called me his own. How am I living up to that call?

Well, the answer is an undying, “NO!” Of course I am not. However, there are times when I feel that I have allowed God a little deeper and he has taken over a little more and I realize that I’m obeying him a little easier and it brings my heart solace that I am not causing him to work something together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose (in other words, me). You see, I always want to be in the will of God because I know that when I’m walking in his will I’m actually participating in causing all things to work together for the good. If I’m not walking in the perfect will of God, then I’m not helping, but instead, I am creating more of a need for God to work things out. This brings me a tremendous amount of depression; of suffering.

However, I don’t think that this is the kind of suffering that is supposed to bring me joy. I don’t know… My own short comings are just that: short comings. I should desire to stamp them out, right? I should hate them with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength as much as I should love the Lord my god with all of the same things. How can I rejoice when I know that I am failing to live up to the calling with which God called me?

Anyway, this was just a little thought ramble. I don’t really know where it’s going yet. Any thoughts, feel free to leave a comment or two. I’d love to get a little discussion going.

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.