Burning Ones

OK, we’re going to be doing an experiment tonight called brevity. We’ll see how I do.

God has been highlighting an extremely simple thing to me lately.

I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.

I’ve been gripped with an understanding that I am a sinner, and that I always will be. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’d rather be a tax collector beating on my chest saying, “God, HAVE MERCY ON ME!” than to have all the pomp and glitter and self-assuredness that comes along with being one who is righteous. I don’t ever want to look at another human being like there anything less than I am. This shouldn’t be hard, because as far as I’m concerned, I am the worst of all sinners.

God is relentlessly kind to me. Unceasingly kind! He will not stop giving me grace. And every time I tell him that I’m not worth the price he paid for me and that I’ll forget him in the next five minutes, he sits with me as I weep and puts his arm around me. And then I go and forget him. And I don’t publish his glory to my friends and I don’t tell of his mercy and forgiveness to everyone I see. The fact is, I am the worst of sinners because despite God’s relentless kindness towards me, I still find it in me to snub him at every turn.

Part of my journey right now is allowing that to have it’s perfect effect in me. If I realize this, that God himself will never stop loving me, despite my failures and my out and out spitting and vomiting all over him in my sin and destitution, then it drives me to say, I don’t have to be ashamed. I’m not disqualified by my sin today. I’m not disqualified because I have a terrible capacity for lust or because I loose my temper with my wife or because I become prideful around other Christians or because, secretly, I really think there will come a time when I don’t need God anymore to be worthy. God remembers that we’re dust! Our sin is always before him. We don’t shock him, we shock ourselves! This allows me to run to God when I snubbed him a moment ago. And I don’t need to understand why he let’s me do this! I don’t have to chide him and tell him he’s giving me better than I deserve and that really, if he would take another look at me, he’d send me to hell like I deserve and remove his grace from my head and allow my sin to be revealed to the world where I would be mocked and ridiculed and crucified like I should be. I can’t just rest, easy in the fact that he’s chosen to love me, and I can’t do a thing about it.

I love him. I’m weak, and I’ll forget him in 5 minutes and trade his glory for the works of my hands or some even more worthless thing. But right now, I love him. With everything that I am.

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