Burning Ones

I’ve been loosing about 2 pounds every 2 days over the past few weeks and then Jess took me to the Chinese buffet yesterday after I missed a few legs of riding due to bike breakdowns.

Well, my cadence was broken alright. At work today, I weighed a whopping 269.2 pounds! Wow!

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend in my daily life since heading back to school that I’d love to get out into the public. I have begun to have a lot of trouble admitting that I don’t know something. I’ve mentioned a few times on this blog so far that I really don’t want to come off to anyone as better than I am. I identify that desire to look better than you are with the Spirit of Phariseeism. I desire to be the tax collector pounding my chest asking God for mercy, never once blinding myself and thinking that I’m better than another, because I’m not.

This leads me to a particular pitfall that I believe I have been particularly susceptible to in my life. This pitfall is the allure of knowledge, a sad siren singing it’s baleful song on campuses and in business centers and at our local cafés all throughout our post-modern, enlightened world. I believe that the call connects with me so deeply because I believe that any self-respecting person is always learning. This translates into me having a lack of respect for myself when I don’t know something already. It’s a form of power. “No one but me can teach me anything new. I am my own instructor, learning for myself while disseminating information of my own to you plebians.” I cannot tell you how many times I have found myself saying, “Umm… Yeah, I can’t quite remember right now, but I’m pretty sure that I’ve heard of that before.” or “Oh yeah, of course I know [what that means]—[who that is]—[how to do that]” while thinking to myself, “What are they talking about?” The thing is, I believe that knowledge gives me power.

But that’s just the thing… Knowledge does not give us power. The fact is that elitism (where all knowledge seems to inevitably lead) provides what could most accurately be described as a false sense of security. The Bible says that the Foolishness of God is greater than the Wisdom of man (I don’t know the reference). Translating that negatively, The Wisdom of man is less than the foolishness of God. Job says to God amidst God’s questioning of him, “I put my hand over my mouth, I cannot contend with you. I questioned you once, but now I will sit down in the dust and accept that you are God and I am not.” The fact is, humanism and enlightened thinking are fatally flawed paths. Mankind cannot solve their own issues if given enough time. If anything, we can and will only destroy ourselves, because at our root we are desperately blind fools.

However, their is an alternate path that many of us don’t know about that I want to travel. That path is the humility. You see, Job was not ashamed because he had finally been confronted with the reality that he would forever be a child in the infancy of cognizance before almighty God. Instead, Job realized what a humble person truly has; joy in the revelation that we are in the hands of a wise God. We do not need to be wise, because God has filled that Gap. There is a freedom that I hate to acknowledge in dependence. “Beggars can’t be chooser’s” after all, can they? But why would I want to be a chooser? I would want to be a chooser because, for whatever reason, I believe I can make a good choice. That I have it in me to look at the options and, with wisdom, choose the best option. But I can’t. I know someone who can.

So, I want to begin to practice a joyful admission of my lack of knowledge. I want to happily say to someone, truly with joy in my heart, “I don’t know. Tell me about it?” One of my favorite movies is Pi by Darren Aronofsky, which is a movie about man’s trust in knowledge, as far as I’m concerned. My favorite scene in the movie is after Max’s breakdown when he lost his faith in knowledge and accepted his human status. The whole movie, Max never smiles, and he’s always on top of things because he’s just that smart. You know what? Max looks a lot better when he smiles.

Enjoy the clip…