Burning Ones

Ok, so, honestly, I know I’m not fat. I have, however, gained weight. And for some odd reason it’s only in my tummy area (or at least what I can tell). And even though I entertain the thought from time to time that I’m pregnant, I know it’s not true, and I really am just plain over weight. I didn’t think I was gaining weight until my family decided to make little comments here and there: “Jess, you’re gaining weight,” “… when you get health insurance you should go get your cholesterol checked- it’ll probably be high,” “doesn’t eating that cause you gain more weight?”

So because of all this and the constant eyeing of my tummy I had to ask my family to stop making comments about it because of how upset I was getting. I’ve realized how much power I let my family have over me. Now, whenever I’m somewhere I instinctively fold my arms across my stomach or I make sure to pull out my shirt when i sit down. Ugh, it’s horrible. I hate looking over weight because I feel like my parents have a reason to call me lazy. I mean, not that I agree, but outside of physical problems I really don’t think its biblical to be beyond a healthy weight limit. So now I’m struggling with the thought of exercising. If I exercise tomorrow morning it will be with the intent of proving something to my family. But I still think it’ll be good to exercise and its a real crappy idea not to. Ugh, oh, well. I’m probably going to learn (or am learning) some valuable lesson from God and maybe when I come out of it my family will have less power over me :-).

This would explain the dream that I had where I had on a beautiful red dress and my mom walks by and says, “that looks tacky.” So I hid under the covers all night so no one would see me.